Will you hear me, now?

I've gotten on this new kick lately.

I kind of am in a love/hate relationship with YouTube. I mean, not only does it lead to so many stupid videos but it has this ridiculous capacity for good, for hope, for connection. And hell, a whole lot of stupid animal videos for people to laugh at.

I've been watching a lot of Hannah Hart (My Drunk Kitchen) or Jenna Marbles, but specifically, I've really gotten into this guy called zefrank. He has a show, legitimately called ashow. And it's about all of those things. Connection, laughter, hope, community and anything that someone desperately searching for might need to hear in the middle of the night.

And all I can think about lately is how I want to do that. I just want to be able to be a beacon in the middle of the night, a lighthouse for people to recognize that they're not alone. I don't want to be held down to school but instead be running around the world like a chicken with its head cut off trying to experience all of the human experiences possible.

But then there's fear. And there's doubt, and theres no belief in my own ability. Which is my own problem, and maybe I'll get over it but I'm terrified of not being able to jump over myself. I really want to.

And I don't want the answer to be my own start to a youtube channel because I honestly don't know how to make cool videos or edit them and I don't believe I know how to just talk and make a point in front of a camera. But I know I want to make a connection.

I want to listen and be heard.

And every day I am more inspired to do that, to reach out to more than just the kids around me.

But that's a big bit to try and chew.

Then again, though, what else am I doing?