Future Careers

10 page research paper? Definitely still not done. And I am definitely certain I do not ever want to be a historian. Don't get me wrong, history is SO valuable but dayumn. Sh*t gets boring. To me, anyway.

I mean, I go to college so I should be thinking about future careers, what am I going to do with my life, BUT. Who says I'm not doing something now? Half of our lives is spent preparing ourselves for the rest of our lives and that seems... stupid.

I'm doing things now. Not the most productive, definitely not the stereotypical track but it's still life and all that crazy cool kind of stuff. So I don't know, why isn't it considered "the real world"? It's my real world. What am I, 3 dimensional now to become 4 dimensional later? IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! That thought has always bothered me.

But I digress.

The real reason for this post is I want to go into psychology but only if that means I can basically sit around all day and figure out and talk to people. It's really very selfish, my desire for this field because it's more so about how people intrigue than probably how much I want to help people. At least 50/50 I'd say. But then again, psychology is only about as effective as any one individual allows it to be so.. sometimes I feel like it's an absolute waste.
And that I should just go to New York City. And live in Central park, with my guitar, it's case, possibly some clothes and a stick with a piece of cloth attached to the end of it to carry those clothes in (I go for stereotypes and cliches because that's what I love).
Or, L.A. Or Chicago. Maybe even back at home in the cities but I prefer a bit more connection.

And I could just live out my days singing songs to people they will hear or they won't.

Or I could spend time taking pictures of things to show people that there is pretty much something beautiful in every place of the world.

Or I could become a mechanic. Don't think I'm joking, I've considered this.

This is what I think about on Wednesday nights on lack of sleep and tremendous amounts of work.

I'm quirky.

I think.

My Mind is Hard-wired

There has been a song on my mind for the past couple of weeks and I cannot get it out of my head. It's, again, by the band This Is Me Smiling and it's the same song that gave me the idea for the title of this crazy blog-type-thing. It's called "Up In All Directions", and the line that is ever-reverberating in my brain goes:

"I'm going in to find you, inside the mind you
Convinced yourself you've beaten for good
Trouble-shot your conscience
Rekeyed your instincts
Your memory holds on, thinks that it should"

I think a lot of this song is a challenge. As if the author is confidently demanding the chance to, in essence, completely eradicate an old way of thought for whoever "you" is, be it a significant other or friend or whoever. And it's like a mission, he's "going in", I mean it's dangerous to challenge the settings someone has always been comfortable with. People get defensive, offended and especially if it's a mindset that allows them to be a highly functioning person, often they see no need to re-wire any part of their lives, even if it is the most unhealthy thing they could possibly do to themselves.

Which is where I kind of find myself at. Don't get me wrong, I'm not crying uncontrollably, holding myself in a fetal position in the middle of the night but there are definitely some parts of my life, my way of thinking that certainly should be inspected.

And I'm scared of that.

There's a way of life I've come to know that's comfortable, that fits, and is truly the only way I've ever known. When other people try to change it, challenge it, I automatically toss it aside in an effort to be as stubborn as possible only hoping that maybe someone will see through that stubbornness and keep poking, prodding, and encouraging me to, well, be happier. And when they don't follow through (of course in the way I have to expect them to) then it's all the more validation for the reason I am the way I am.

Basically, I dig myself a hole and I am super great at keeping myself inside of it, even better at digging deeper. And because I know this I try to discourage anyone from finding me in it, even more so from trying to help me out.

I suppose these lyrics kind of remind me that if I were to be honest, I honestly need to re-wire some things in my own life. And that might mean being uncomfortable and allowing others to "go in" which, for me, SUCKS. But, this whole trying to not waste time and actually live a full life, I am fairly convinced that the only way I can accomplish that is to try to accept the challenge presented in this song.

Or maybe I'm just being a little too ridiculous about a band who wrote a song that was supposed to be catchy.

Anyway, I suppose I'm just hoping to be better, maybe let go of this memory of how I think I should be or blah blah blah.

Either way I enjoy the song, but hopefully I can get it out of my head soon :)

Beauty

I have crazy eyes.

Ok, and by this I don't mean they point different ways or they are a fantastically awesome cool color like crazy awesome blue (no they are just poop brown) but, I've never honestly found someone to be ugly. I'll never walk up to a person and flinch because of how horrible they look, Megan Fox looks just as pretty as my roommate to me, and frankly the boring, flat fields of southwestern Minnesota are absolutely gorgeous to me.

In short, I really love seeing the beauty in absolutely everything. And I think at some points this can be a really good thing and other points, really very terrible. Anyway, here are some of the simple things I find every part of eye-pleasing in, taken in my favorite place in the world just 30 minutes east of Augie.

 This is my uncle and his grandson. This is one of the luckiest pictures I've ever taken. Sincerely, have to thank the Lord for Kodak moments, haha.

 There is no place in the world I feel more at home in than my grandparents house. If there was a place where time stood still, I'd think this would be it. And yes, this is in fact an old school house ;)

 One of the best place I've ever gone swimming in, and yes that's my brother toweling off in the background.

 Haha, this picture might seem familiar. I have no idea why this strikes me as so beautiful, but I love the place, people, and things so maybe that has something to do with it.

 The big green bus. This thing has driven our entire family through multiple states, multiple weather types, and is truly customized with a bed in back, a booth table and even some places to hang your clothes.

 If there is ever anyone you could feel comfortable with, no matter how cool you are or not cool you are, your cousins can always hang out, just like old friends. This is my feet, and my older cousins Cerrita's. I believe she actually took it, and even if you don't appreciate feet it's kind of cute.

 I just really like the light, and intimacy. I'm terrible at being around kids, but I won't deny that they are adorable.

                                               One side of the town...

                                                  Aaaand the other... :)

This is my mother, and she'd probably kill me if she ever knew I posted this. My grandparents made a make-shift zip line in their back yard, and everyone (I mean everyone... even my grandpa tried this out) got up to take a swing.

Anyway, I find all these things beautiful. The walls of my dorm are peculiarly marked with the beauty of experience and I love it. And I feel like I sound really corny at this point so I'll draw this point to a quick close, and just end it with I appreciate the things, people and places I get to see each and every day. :)

I don't know what the heck I'm doing..

So, a couple explanations. First of all the title of this blog is from probably one of my most favorite lyrics, written by the band This Is Me Smiling. The line goes "I'm having a party for all of my favorite friends. When nobody shows up, I'll say it was fun and I'll do it again."
I am not entirely sure why, but whenever I hear this line all I can think is "I'd probably do that". Hence the title. Whoever may read this, I hate to break it to you, but you might not, in fact, be my favorite friend. Just the only one who read this blog. But, you probably could be my favorite friend, I'm honestly not that hard to impress.
Anyway the point is, if no one does in fact ever read this, I'll just say it's fun and keep doing it.

Also, the font I choose is because it most resembles my handwriting. My handwriting is chicken scratch. If it annoys me too much, I'll change it, but for now it's nice not to just look at Times New Roman.

The other explanation is the point to this blog, in the first place! I won't lie, I'm following a trend. Several of my friends have set up blogs and at first I didn't understand why anyone would do such a thing but.. here I am. I've been having a lot of sleepless nights lately and with the passing of my grandmother I realized that I waste a lot of time. In fact, instead of starting to write my ten page research paper I'm sitting here setting up a blog. But the worst part about the time I waste is that it's not even time where I'm living. It's not like I'm putting off an assignment to go to a once-in-a-lifetime event, I don't do work because I'm lazy. And I am very stuck, and very much not experiencing much at all. So the idea here, is that this blog will allow me to hold myself accountable to actually start doing things. To stop saying I'm tired, or I'm sick, or just not in the mood but start filling up my days. And maybe I'll go so far one direction that I hardly have any time at all but it has to be better than keeping yourself up at night for no reason. Also, it might be a good idea to actually allow myself to feel things, than to keep them all (sorry for the cliche) "bottled up"

So, I'm blogging. This will either be something I work with or something I stop after 2 days. Oh well.

And this post is in honor of my grandmother, Janet Sorvaag. I wish I had known so much more about her while she was still here, but the things I've learned after only prove what I've known all along. My grandmother was a very special woman. She won't be replaced. This video was made by my dad (the youngest of her 5 children) and played at the memorial service. He uploaded it to youtube for the rest of the family to view when they'd like, and I thought it wouldn't hurt to share it here.