Fix You.

It's cliche, but I've been really liking this song. I wish I could pull off an acoustic version that was just as beautiful.

Melancholy.

For the first time in a long time, I'm kind of rethinking my take on people in general.

Usually, I believe the best in others.

Usually, I can give others the benefit of the doubt.

Usually, I can love easily, and unconditionally.

Usually, I can just give, and in fact, enjoy giving.

I am afraid I'm getting worn out. And, I'm  not sure why.

Anyway, for some reason I like this song, although the lyrics aren't the easiest to understand. And I guess it fits today.

Back in the day.

Excuse the poorly created title.

But, I realize that sometimes I come off as rude. Or crass, or obnoxious or just too silly to ever be taken seriously. And I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

When I was about 15 I took a French II class. This was probably one of the easiest classes I've ever ever ever taken. The teacher, for the final, basically handed us out a copy to practice with and had TONS of extra credit. How much?

Well, I finished that class with over 200%. So. A lot. 

After the final was taken, and handed back and we were pretty much just wasting days until summer. I had gotten over 100% on both of the finals she had handed out and pretty much was chillaxing. Then, one day, she called me out of her classroom.

I automatically thought I was in deep trouble. I hadn't done anything wrong. Honestly, in high school I was probably one of the cleanest kids you'd ever met. BUT whenever I was called down to the office, or called out of class, or had a teacher who wanted to speak with me, I ALWAYS assumed it was bad. That somehow, they had caught me doing something wrong, even if I hadn't at all. 

So anyway, she called me out and looks at me and says "Sam, you are so smart. But you act SO stupid! Why is that?"

And I did not have an answer for her. I think I told her something like it's just more fun that way or something and she told me something like don't be afraid to show your intelligence or something and sent me on my way.

Usually, about this time in the story, you'd think to hear something like "And then I realized that I didn't have to be funny for everyone to like me, I could be smart too." BUT ACTUALLY, I was pissed. I have set up my life so that I'd be able to have a great time, goofing off, clowning around, and still being able to get good grades and use my intelligence as needed. I was pretty much ok with this, and still am to be honest. I love that I can be silly. I love that I'm weird and approachable and absolutely willing to make a fool of myself. And then, when and if necessary, use whatever intelligence I might have, if any. 

This helps people to know the really important things to me. When I actually start being passionate and serious about something, it means much more. And most times people are pleasantly surprised to see that, and I love surprising people.

But I've also realized that the other 90% of the time, I probably appear very closed off to meaningful conversation, or actual relationships. And maybe this is something I need to change. 

So while I appreciate my goofy demeanor, learned from great characters such as "Bugs Bunny" or ya know... "Goofy", I do realize that it might be time for me to mature a little bit, and see that it's alright to be serious, even when first meeting people, as well. 

Lame? Maybe.

Here's to hoping I'm not just a sell out.

2012

So, since I can't post this on Facebook, for fear of a fight or people thinking ill of me, I'll post it here.

This Kony 2012 thing has been going crazy all around, for both sides. Many people have gotten super excited and super behind the movement, to "Make Kony Famous", sharing videos, buying action kits and all this.

Many people have been pretty against it, stating that this organization "Invisible Children" is shady at best, that Africa needs real help not just a bunch of white suburbanites trying to feel good about themselves and other disparaging comments.

I'm one of the former, even after the research I had done finding out whatever truths about Invisible Children and the real situation in Uganda, I shared this video. I'm not going to spend money on it, I don't believe it will be money well spent, but I will get educated. From both ends.

Why?

When I was a freshmen in high school I went on a trip to New Orleans. At this convention I attended, one of the child soldiers who was lucky enough to escape spoke to an entire crowd of youth about his experience. The cocaine that was forced into his bloodstream, how he was forced to kill his own family, how he moved on and what he's doing now.

There is a real problem that Kony 2012 addresses. One that has been happening for years, and is unfortunately just coming to light. These child soldiers, rampant sex trafficking, these are not just problems over seas. Minneapolis, Minnesota, a city just an hour North from my home town is unfortunately full of young Somalian men who are taken from their homes and sent back to Africa to become these soldiers. The midwest is one of America's greatest hot spots for human trafficking, unfortunately.

And I get the uprising against this movement. The money that should be spent on helping, unfortunately, is not. And facts are misconstrued and misrepresented.

I suppose instead of backlashing, I wish there would be a movement to care to this degree about fixing something, and doing it right. Maybe it won't be this movement, but hopefully it'll spark someone to want to be that hero, to want to make an effort as Invisible Children state they do. Maybe this organization is flawed and is not the real way to fight this battle, but instead of beating them down, why don't we focus on finding a way to make this insane dream a reality? To have a movement of our own that is as innocent as possible, that is truly set out to make the world better.

And maybe that's something I have to do. It may be said that the viral video is just a way to make people feel good, but why would that make them feel good in the first place? It's obvious that once people are educated about injustices, they want to provide justice. There is a desire to help. So why not provide a real way to people to make a difference?

There has to be a way to make a real, and good difference.

And I hope that people are just as passionate about finding that, as they were about sharing this video and finding the flaws.

Hopefully, when truly good motivations come to light, everyone will be able to stand behind them.

SONG

I apologize for two posts in one day, but I did finally finish a song. It's a little weird to show it to anyone without the music behind it but I did say I would! So here is the finished product. I think it might be titled Here's to You

Verse 1:

This is where the fun begins,
Catching eyes, saying "we're just friends."
This is where it all can star,
Holding hands, holding fragile hearts.

Yeah, I've seen this before.
Never thought it'd be me who'd want more.
And if it's too soon I should fall,
Here's to hoping that you'll answer my call.

Chorus:

Here's to hopin'
That I'm not too broken,
For you.

Here's to believin',
Without seein',
There's so much we could do,
This world was meant for me and you.

Verse 2:

I'm not one to get swept away.
I don't fall for the games people play.
I keep my feet on this ground,
Walls up, and heart locked down.

But now I'm not sure what to do.
It might be possible that you've gotten through.
And yeah, I've seen this before.
Here's to hopin' it'll be you who wants more.

Here's to hopin'

That I'm not too broken,

For you.

Here's to believin',

Without seein',

There's so much we could do,

This world was meant for me and you.

Bridge:

I won't promise that I won't get scared.

I'm a handful, worth it if you dare.

And if I'm restless, it's 'cause I'm nervous you see,

The truth is that you bring out the best in me.

This is where the fun begins,

Blushing cheeks, silly grins.

This is where it all can start,

You should know that you have my heart.

Here's to Knowin'

That I'm not too broken,

For you.

Here's to believin',

And seein',

There's nothing we couldn't do, 

This world was meant for me and you.

Yep. All. Done. 

Hair

Here are some things I realized this morning.

One: the amount and length of my hair is a little outrageous

Yes those are butterflies on my wall. It's a long story. Do not ask.

Two: my hairbrush handle is broken, so now I really feel like I'm brushing horse hair when I get up in the morning.

Giddy up, cowgirl.

MUSIC.

So I'm definitely not one for shameless self-promotion... but... My brother's band put an album out on iTunes!! CLICK

There's a song on there I started writing, and my brother finished called Bittersweet. Very much a different style from what I usually write, but it's actually one of my favorite songs. If anyone actually does read this, you most definitely should at least check it out, maybe buy a song, or two, OR THE ALBUM.

Ok, sorry, got a little excited.

If you happen to have time, it'd be nice.

And pray that I don't fail my politics test today!

Questions.

It's so easy to love yourself when everyone else loves you.

But, what happens when you're convinced that no one really loves the true you?

How do you love yourself when you're convinced you're not worthy of any other love?

More importantly, can you change the way you think, or is it just a constant battle of introducing new thoughts and trying to get rid of the old ones?

This is what I think about at 7 in the morning.

Roar.

So.

After a terrible, no good, very rotten, and all around bad day, I thought tonight would be a bad night as well.

But, I had some very good advice from a friend. Which was to do something that makes me feel good about myself, right now.

And after considering a myriad of options I've decided the one thing I can actually pull off right now (because my other options were Mexico or a marshmallow fight), was writing down good stuff that I really enjoy.

1. It just rained yesterday, and if it hadn't have been freezing cold/I had things to do, I would've loved to go dancing in the rain. I used to be terrified of thunderstorms but rain dances are legit.
2. I really like Glee. I don't even care what anyone else says about it. Especially this last week's episode with their mash up of Fly and I believe I can Fly. Amazing. Check it out. You won't be disappointed.
3. My cousin Daniel is hilarious. No one is weirder than him, except maybe me. I am pretty sure this is why we are related.
4. I LOVE talking to people. They are super interesting. I feel like the times I feel most like myself are when I get to sit and listen to other people.
5. The feeling after you're done taking a test is also pretty phenomenal. I got to do that TWICE today which was super stressful but I'm SO glad it's over.
6. Cartoon movies have some of the funniest scenes ever. I realized this with my recent viewing of Tangled. That girl is so talented with her hair, what the heck.
7. I can't wait to travel this spring break. I have no idea where but I am pretty sure I am going somewhere.
8. I am really glad I can play guitar. Even if I haven't been able to write a song, I am still glad I can just pick it up and play random songs. Acoustic guitars sound woooonderful. Even in a dorm room.
9. Ice cream is wonderful! I feel as though it is the great equalizer. When I worked at an ice cream shop, it was hilarious to see tough guys come up and order an ice cream cone and eat it like a child. Awesome.
10. I'm glad I'm a psychology major. Even though, I know some people really don't like psychology at all.

Thats about it. This might be a rough couple of weeks but, I'll be trying.

All I want to do.

There has probably never been something so frustrating in my life (when it pertains to myself) then not being able to write a song.

I know, this probably means that I've had a pretty legit life :)

But, seriously, I haven't been able to come up with one since June. And I feel as though I never will again!!

Just kidding that might be dramatic, but, you get the picture.

I promise though, the first new one I write, is going on here... Maybe.

Ideas?

Children.

I am not a regular girl in many different ways. 

Until recently, I had not known how to do any make-up, I am not very stylish, and my handwriting is absolute chicken scratch. But, most of all, I am not great with kids.

This is not because I hate them or think they are stupid. I am honestly just scared out of my mind when around them. I don't want to do something wrong, or say something wrong, or make them cry or anything!!

So I usually try to avoid them.

My parents laughed when I got a job at the daycare here at school for this year.

But my two favorite kids in the whole wide world? My niece and nephew. I did not know it was possible to love a child so much until I was invested in them. And of course, they are absolute trouble-makers. I would do anything, and be anyone for these kids, and will soon get another nephew. I am so excited to see how they grow up, but I know I'll miss every day of putting them to bed too.

My nephew, Tristan. He honestly posed for this shot, and this definitely explains how he is related to me.


Those luscious locks are definitely a sign of a Sorvaag. Addy Mae is my favorite little girl alive.

Zombie.

For some reason, a lot of my conversation recently has revolved around the zombie apocalypse. It might be my cousin's recent obsession with "The Walking Dead" TV show on AMC or other random zombie discussions that have happened.

Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that I would, in fact, be a pretty good person to have around if in fact, such an event would happen.

Why?

Cuz I can play guitar.

That, and I am strongish and kind of clever. However, I think the fact that I can play guitar is probably the most valuable trait. What calms people down more than music? Sure, noise attracts zombies (so we think) but still! You gotta have some stress relief right?

Right.

Therefore: Musicians shall and will survive the zombie apocalypse.

And other artists too probably.

Hooray for the arts ;)

WHAT I DO OUTSIDE OF COLLEGE

So I meant to post this a very, very long time ago. But then, my computer crashed, I had to spend a million bajillion dollars to get a new one and that sucked and then second semester started and I was just lazy and anyway, I'm ridiculous.

Here is a new installment of what I do outside of college. No big deal, but I had a pretty awesome trip planned out, all around the (kind of) great state of Minnesota!

Over J-term  break, I traveled over 900 miles and spent over 15 hours in my car. You might say I had a lot of jam time and you might be right. I documented this most epic trip, with terrible pictures that I will now share along with hopefully somewhat entertaining anecdotes. :)

There is most likely no better place to start off this adventure then my grandparent's house in Hardwick, MN, a town not much larger than 300 maybe? Also, yes I took pictures while driving. Terrible driver? Maybe. Fantastic photographer? Still probably not but I'm committed.

Pizza for dinner and my grandmother's comment right before this picture was taken? "You're gonna wonder where that camera has gotten to when it's gone." My aunt and grandpa joined us as well, and it was pretty grand.

Say what you will, it takes skill to capture these signs. This is my exit to take to get back to OWATONNA, but for some reason they think people would rather get to Minneapolis. Fun fact, on this drive home I had to pull over twice to sleep, because I had not had any the night before. However, I was quite awake by this time!

This dolphin was my friend. My air freshening friend. He may make many appearances.

My brother Chris is a shift supervisor at Starbucks. Basically, almost every person of our generation in our family has worked in a coffee shop. At home, I spent a lot time visiting him and chilling with my mom. I thought about adding a tour of Owatonna into this post but that can wait for another time. 

This is what the backseat of my car looked like the entire time of my trip.  Picture taking skills? I'm Awesome. 

One of my favorite cities, going to visit some of my favorite people. I was kind of excited.

This is my cousin Daniel. Also was a shift supervisor at Starbucks but is now a psychiatric assistant at a hospital in the cities. He is probably the only person who is as weird as me and enjoys it! Hence this picture, he posed for it as weird as he could think of. 

I was not driving when I took this picture. I just like the cities :)

This is my beautiful cousin Laresa inside of the restaurant we went to the first night I was visiting. Whenever we get together, it is almost non-stop laughing. She's also Daniel's sister and is currently working at a Starbucks. Coffee and craziness run in the family.

Late Saturday night I took off for Duluth to visit one of the best friends I've ever had, Alyssa Kaplan. I was full awake for this drive AND WAY TOO EXCITED!

Sometimes I got bored in the car... And my dolphin friend was always there to entertain.

DULUTH. Kind of crappy picture, but I did not care. Duluth is probably one of the most beautiful cities I've ever been to, especially when you round the first hill and pretty much look out over the whole city. If I hadn't decided on Augie first, I would've tried to find a school here. It's awesome. 

This is my best friend, my confidant, or whatever the heck you call, this woman is uber important. She has always been there for me and is so funny and sweet and insanely special. I am so thankful she's in my life. I spent Sunday and Monday just being with her which is not something we often get to do and I could not have asked for a better way to spend my time over J-term break. 

And although every picture she is in is quite breathtaking I thought this one more accurately portrayed her personality ;) Good thing is I'm like 500 miles away so I'm pretty sure she can't do anything to me. We also have a terrible habit of not taking any pictures together so this is all I got for now. She proceeded to make me breakfast and dinner the next day while I harassed her in an effort to try and make her get her homework done. Yep, I am quite proud to call her my friend. 

This is the race to Concordia College in Moorehead, MN. Fun fact: If you plan a trip using mostly back roads, you can also shave off at least a half an hour of the planned time, because you will be speeding so much. Not that I'm proud of it. But this is also one of the prettiest (is that a word? I don't care) drives I got to experience. I would include all those pictures but that would take forever. There is my dolphin friend again :)

My other best friend. I don't care what anyone says I can have as many as I want and they can all be the best in their own way to me. So there.  I have been friends with this girl since sixth grade and I always will be. We've practically lived at each other's houses over the summer and I will always be around for her, even when she gets a little crazy ;) and I know she'll do the same for me. She currently attends Concordia College and is a straight up baller. We like to take mirror pictures because we know how silly they are. She's also one of the tiniest people you'll meet, so don't be surprise if she sloths you, and climbs you like a tree... Yeah... We're weird. 

After a wonderful date with Allie-sown, I had to head back to Sioux Falls. Coffee was a constant on this trip, and I found some surprisingly good coffee in between Moorehead and Sioux Falls. How? I will never know, because there is pretty much nothing between Moorehead and Sioux Falls, and I was so lucky to find a gas station just in time off of the interstate :)

Sioux Falls exit. Not as clear as the others, but whatever I TRIED!

My dorm after I threw everything around and tried to unpack/organize my books. Home Sweet Augie.

There are so many more pictures I could have included but didn't, otherwise you'd be reading this post forever. I am so thankful I was able to visit all of these friends and family who mean so much to me, especially since Spring Break seems so far away. Best break so far. Even better than Christmas.

And I LOVE Christmas.

WOOT

So I realize I have kind of neglected this very young, budding blog but.

January is kind of boring.

DON'T GET ME WRONG! My J-term class was interesting as all-get-out. I loved exploring modern culture and the effects of gender blur and the constructs of language and how it constricts and enables us BUT.

I was kind of boring, otherwise.

To anyone who reads this blog though, I am planning an awesome new installment of WHAT I DO OUTSIDE OF COLLEGE!
Hopefully, this J-term break is going to be freaking awesome.

So look out.

Until then, well. You have this, somewhat short, curt post.

GET OFF YOUR COMPUTER AND ENJOY LIFE!!

(hypocrisy thy name is Sam)

What I Do Out of College

So, most people make a [[COLLEGE!!]] album on Facebook their freshmen year of college, which is cool, no lie it's legit, but for me a lot of my life I like to spend outside of school. I definitely don't believe college or high school can be the only best years of your life and sometimes I think it's really easy to get wrapped up in all this academia before you realize that there's a bigger and fuller world out there where people don't even go to college or school or stay in their houses for years with their parents or live with everyone in their family and yada yada yada. 

 

I hope I don't sound like I'm standing on a soap box here. I don't mean that, just that I like life outside of school. 

So, I thought I'd start some snippets of what I do when I'm not sitting around studying/partying/being uber cool... Stereotypical college stuff ya know? ;)

P.s. I take creeper photos. I love candid shots. Because I'm weird.

I chill with my grandparents/creep on my grandpa. Yep, sour cream and onion chex mix. Didn't even know it existed.

Admire the candleholder I bought for my grandparents that they still actually keep around. I got this for my grandma for Mother's Day. I felt like it pretty much summed up what her and my grandpa accomplished in our family.

Creep on my aunt. She's hilarious and lets me mosh her. Yeah. We mosh pit.  She's  a pretty and sassy lady.

Assume the position in my grandparents kitchen. We chill here all the time. This is grandma's natural pose

Play canasta, which actually isn't normal for me. But playing cards is. This is my grandma's favorite game and she almost made me stay until midnight to keep playing. Had to put my foot down though, I'm responsible and all.

Finally get scolded about my ripped up boot that I should "Take back ASAP!"... Hahahaha. Oh, well.

Nbd.

Ok, go.

I have wonderful cousins. To be a little more honest than anyone reading this blog probably wants me to be, they are probably the reason I didn't look to my brothers and try to follow in their footsteps because I was always looking up to my older cousins. My extended family has a strangely strong connection and understanding of unconditional love, no matter how long its been since we've seen each other, or how many new people come into our lives. My cousin Renae, who now lives in Oregon with her husband and three children will always come first for me. Same with Deedre who lives in Michigan, or Daniel in Minneapolis.

So anyway, my extended family had a huge impact, is my point. Especially when it came to my faith.

In the past couple of years, three of my cousins have participated in a program called YWAM (Youth With A Mission). Kind of like hard core Christian Peace Corps haha, from what I can gleam of it. Before my cousin Cerrita (who now lives as a director of a base down in Panama City, Panama) went, both of us had been really having trouble staying close to God. She went to YWAM and her life changed. She started to really believe in the power of prayer, and the miracles God can provide us with. And I just was not there. For the last four years that she and I have been talking about all these changes, and she's just reached a place I've consistently found impossible to be at, even more thought I'd never have the chance to get to. But we stay close and I talk with her as much as I can through skype.

So, college hadn't exactly made anything much much better with my whole relationship with God. One of my best friends though, had actually had a great semester at her college and she is feeling especially close to the Lord. She attended the SALT conference which was held here in Sioux Falls the first week of January. One of the nights, I tagged along (for free, whats up) to one of their worship services, and of course because I absolutely love this girl who invited me along.

Safe to say, though, I was a little weirded out.

They were talking about speaking in tongues and baptizing like 3 different times and as much as I tried to get into it I really couldn't. Not a shocker for me though, I've never really had an "aha" moment or anything like that at these things. After the service, we went up to one of the hotel rooms and her small group met and people shared what they wanted. I sat quietly. I am pretty awesome at sitting quietly. Then, the small group leader, my friend, and a couple of other girls came up and asked if they could pray for me. My friend had given me a heads up so it wasn't completely out of the blue but still, open prayer, especially hands on each other prayer, not my forte. But, I said sure.

It started out with some blanket kind of prayer, like thanking Him that I could come and all that. Then some of the other girls started to pray and they started to pray for things that I had never told them about. I really met all of those girls that night, and had barely talked to any one of them for more than five minutes, but the things they started praying about, specifically to and for me, were amazing. Definitely things they could not have known about, and could not have been applied to any random person.

Afterwards, I asked Alyssa (yep, best friend, no big) if she had told them anything about me, and she promised she hadn't. This last week I've been thinking a lot about it, and trying to explain it in any other way than the whole "God told them what to pray" thing. And, so far... I haven't exactly been able to.

Luckily, I got to talk about this with Cerrita and well, basically she said "I told you so." In a lot nicer way of course, because she's my older, much kinder cousin (and I'm her favorite cousin). But, for the first time in my whole entire life I feel like this whole relationship with God thing is actually possible. I still haven't felt it, and I'm not sure when it'll be clear enough for me to just trust in but, I am definitely more excited to try than I ever have been.

One of the ways I've always felt closer to God is worship music (yeah, that really cheesy contemporary kind). I sang this song at my cousin's wedding this past fall, and the more I practiced it, the more I really liked it, even though it's simple and blah blah blah.

Anyway.

This could be a great time to start looking up.

Party Rock

When I was in high school, I wasn't really a party person. Usually, I drove others around, or had movie nights at my place. On occasion, quite possibly we would happen to go out into the town and wreak amazing amounts of havoc (in other words, messing up stuff at Wal Mart). This was all until my senior year, which was really the first time I ever did any "partying".

Last night I went to the second college party I've ever been to here at Augie and I've found something out: I am not really a party person. Like, I'm just terrible at being at parties. I'd much rather just go to coffee or sit around the dorm and play cards, or not watch a movie and make conversation.

I really love getting to know and meeting new people. The parties I've been to just really don't seem to be an environment conducive for particularly getting to know someone. So I mean, I guess I should be asking myself why I still attend these things, or partake in other activities like them, and I really don't know. Maybe half of the reason is because the people who I know that do attend them I care about, and enjoy being around. Maybe it's because I expect to be proven wrong every time. But either way, I don't think I'll be doing much of that anymore, though, I would be a much cooler kid if I did.

But if anyone would like to have some coffee and maybe watch The Lion King... I'm around!

Knowledge is Power

I definitely did not write anything over the holidays. Know why?

Me neither.

But, I've come back to Augie now for J-term and I have this whole big room to myself now that my roommate decided to move over to the other hall. Definitely a little sad, there's a whole half (haha) of this room that's completely bare! But, I've dressed up the bed and will just have to start hosting more and more shin-digs here.

Anyway the one thing I wish I would've done while I was home is taken more pictures! Especially since I had gotten a new camera for Christmas. But, the thing with my pictures, is that they're usually weird, very candid, and almost never include me in them. Want an example?

These are a couple of bridges up in Minneapolis. Me and a friend were driving around much too late at night looking at lights, and of course I took the second picture without thinking about rolling the window down.

I was hoping to go around one day and take photos of my hometown, but, I definitely forgot and ran out of time to do that.

But, I did capture one important thing at home...

Haha, I might've taken this just when I got the camera but still! My dog is awesome. His name is Max, he's 8 years old, and I've had him since he was a pup. The first night he came home with us I stayed up with him all night and slept by his kennel. He's probably the kindest, sweetest and most chill dog you will ever meet. He is so good with little kids. Anyway, I love my dog.

While break is alright, and I'll miss Max like crazy, it's nice to be back in Sioux Falls. EVEN THOUGH SOUTH DAKOTA DECIDES IT DOESN'T WANT ANY SNOW!
I'm a little upset about that.

But I guess I'll deal.