Back in the day.

Excuse the poorly created title.

But, I realize that sometimes I come off as rude. Or crass, or obnoxious or just too silly to ever be taken seriously. And I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

When I was about 15 I took a French II class. This was probably one of the easiest classes I've ever ever ever taken. The teacher, for the final, basically handed us out a copy to practice with and had TONS of extra credit. How much?

Well, I finished that class with over 200%. So. A lot. 

After the final was taken, and handed back and we were pretty much just wasting days until summer. I had gotten over 100% on both of the finals she had handed out and pretty much was chillaxing. Then, one day, she called me out of her classroom.

I automatically thought I was in deep trouble. I hadn't done anything wrong. Honestly, in high school I was probably one of the cleanest kids you'd ever met. BUT whenever I was called down to the office, or called out of class, or had a teacher who wanted to speak with me, I ALWAYS assumed it was bad. That somehow, they had caught me doing something wrong, even if I hadn't at all. 

So anyway, she called me out and looks at me and says "Sam, you are so smart. But you act SO stupid! Why is that?"

And I did not have an answer for her. I think I told her something like it's just more fun that way or something and she told me something like don't be afraid to show your intelligence or something and sent me on my way.

Usually, about this time in the story, you'd think to hear something like "And then I realized that I didn't have to be funny for everyone to like me, I could be smart too." BUT ACTUALLY, I was pissed. I have set up my life so that I'd be able to have a great time, goofing off, clowning around, and still being able to get good grades and use my intelligence as needed. I was pretty much ok with this, and still am to be honest. I love that I can be silly. I love that I'm weird and approachable and absolutely willing to make a fool of myself. And then, when and if necessary, use whatever intelligence I might have, if any. 

This helps people to know the really important things to me. When I actually start being passionate and serious about something, it means much more. And most times people are pleasantly surprised to see that, and I love surprising people.

But I've also realized that the other 90% of the time, I probably appear very closed off to meaningful conversation, or actual relationships. And maybe this is something I need to change. 

So while I appreciate my goofy demeanor, learned from great characters such as "Bugs Bunny" or ya know... "Goofy", I do realize that it might be time for me to mature a little bit, and see that it's alright to be serious, even when first meeting people, as well. 

Lame? Maybe.

Here's to hoping I'm not just a sell out.

2012

So, since I can't post this on Facebook, for fear of a fight or people thinking ill of me, I'll post it here.

This Kony 2012 thing has been going crazy all around, for both sides. Many people have gotten super excited and super behind the movement, to "Make Kony Famous", sharing videos, buying action kits and all this.

Many people have been pretty against it, stating that this organization "Invisible Children" is shady at best, that Africa needs real help not just a bunch of white suburbanites trying to feel good about themselves and other disparaging comments.

I'm one of the former, even after the research I had done finding out whatever truths about Invisible Children and the real situation in Uganda, I shared this video. I'm not going to spend money on it, I don't believe it will be money well spent, but I will get educated. From both ends.

Why?

When I was a freshmen in high school I went on a trip to New Orleans. At this convention I attended, one of the child soldiers who was lucky enough to escape spoke to an entire crowd of youth about his experience. The cocaine that was forced into his bloodstream, how he was forced to kill his own family, how he moved on and what he's doing now.

There is a real problem that Kony 2012 addresses. One that has been happening for years, and is unfortunately just coming to light. These child soldiers, rampant sex trafficking, these are not just problems over seas. Minneapolis, Minnesota, a city just an hour North from my home town is unfortunately full of young Somalian men who are taken from their homes and sent back to Africa to become these soldiers. The midwest is one of America's greatest hot spots for human trafficking, unfortunately.

And I get the uprising against this movement. The money that should be spent on helping, unfortunately, is not. And facts are misconstrued and misrepresented.

I suppose instead of backlashing, I wish there would be a movement to care to this degree about fixing something, and doing it right. Maybe it won't be this movement, but hopefully it'll spark someone to want to be that hero, to want to make an effort as Invisible Children state they do. Maybe this organization is flawed and is not the real way to fight this battle, but instead of beating them down, why don't we focus on finding a way to make this insane dream a reality? To have a movement of our own that is as innocent as possible, that is truly set out to make the world better.

And maybe that's something I have to do. It may be said that the viral video is just a way to make people feel good, but why would that make them feel good in the first place? It's obvious that once people are educated about injustices, they want to provide justice. There is a desire to help. So why not provide a real way to people to make a difference?

There has to be a way to make a real, and good difference.

And I hope that people are just as passionate about finding that, as they were about sharing this video and finding the flaws.

Hopefully, when truly good motivations come to light, everyone will be able to stand behind them.

SONG

I apologize for two posts in one day, but I did finally finish a song. It's a little weird to show it to anyone without the music behind it but I did say I would! So here is the finished product. I think it might be titled Here's to You

Verse 1:

This is where the fun begins,
Catching eyes, saying "we're just friends."
This is where it all can star,
Holding hands, holding fragile hearts.

Yeah, I've seen this before.
Never thought it'd be me who'd want more.
And if it's too soon I should fall,
Here's to hoping that you'll answer my call.

Chorus:

Here's to hopin'
That I'm not too broken,
For you.

Here's to believin',
Without seein',
There's so much we could do,
This world was meant for me and you.

Verse 2:

I'm not one to get swept away.
I don't fall for the games people play.
I keep my feet on this ground,
Walls up, and heart locked down.

But now I'm not sure what to do.
It might be possible that you've gotten through.
And yeah, I've seen this before.
Here's to hopin' it'll be you who wants more.

Here's to hopin'

That I'm not too broken,

For you.

Here's to believin',

Without seein',

There's so much we could do,

This world was meant for me and you.

Bridge:

I won't promise that I won't get scared.

I'm a handful, worth it if you dare.

And if I'm restless, it's 'cause I'm nervous you see,

The truth is that you bring out the best in me.

This is where the fun begins,

Blushing cheeks, silly grins.

This is where it all can start,

You should know that you have my heart.

Here's to Knowin'

That I'm not too broken,

For you.

Here's to believin',

And seein',

There's nothing we couldn't do, 

This world was meant for me and you.

Yep. All. Done. 

Hair

Here are some things I realized this morning.

One: the amount and length of my hair is a little outrageous

Yes those are butterflies on my wall. It's a long story. Do not ask.

Two: my hairbrush handle is broken, so now I really feel like I'm brushing horse hair when I get up in the morning.

Giddy up, cowgirl.

MUSIC.

So I'm definitely not one for shameless self-promotion... but... My brother's band put an album out on iTunes!! CLICK

There's a song on there I started writing, and my brother finished called Bittersweet. Very much a different style from what I usually write, but it's actually one of my favorite songs. If anyone actually does read this, you most definitely should at least check it out, maybe buy a song, or two, OR THE ALBUM.

Ok, sorry, got a little excited.

If you happen to have time, it'd be nice.

And pray that I don't fail my politics test today!

Questions.

It's so easy to love yourself when everyone else loves you.

But, what happens when you're convinced that no one really loves the true you?

How do you love yourself when you're convinced you're not worthy of any other love?

More importantly, can you change the way you think, or is it just a constant battle of introducing new thoughts and trying to get rid of the old ones?

This is what I think about at 7 in the morning.

Roar.

So.

After a terrible, no good, very rotten, and all around bad day, I thought tonight would be a bad night as well.

But, I had some very good advice from a friend. Which was to do something that makes me feel good about myself, right now.

And after considering a myriad of options I've decided the one thing I can actually pull off right now (because my other options were Mexico or a marshmallow fight), was writing down good stuff that I really enjoy.

1. It just rained yesterday, and if it hadn't have been freezing cold/I had things to do, I would've loved to go dancing in the rain. I used to be terrified of thunderstorms but rain dances are legit.
2. I really like Glee. I don't even care what anyone else says about it. Especially this last week's episode with their mash up of Fly and I believe I can Fly. Amazing. Check it out. You won't be disappointed.
3. My cousin Daniel is hilarious. No one is weirder than him, except maybe me. I am pretty sure this is why we are related.
4. I LOVE talking to people. They are super interesting. I feel like the times I feel most like myself are when I get to sit and listen to other people.
5. The feeling after you're done taking a test is also pretty phenomenal. I got to do that TWICE today which was super stressful but I'm SO glad it's over.
6. Cartoon movies have some of the funniest scenes ever. I realized this with my recent viewing of Tangled. That girl is so talented with her hair, what the heck.
7. I can't wait to travel this spring break. I have no idea where but I am pretty sure I am going somewhere.
8. I am really glad I can play guitar. Even if I haven't been able to write a song, I am still glad I can just pick it up and play random songs. Acoustic guitars sound woooonderful. Even in a dorm room.
9. Ice cream is wonderful! I feel as though it is the great equalizer. When I worked at an ice cream shop, it was hilarious to see tough guys come up and order an ice cream cone and eat it like a child. Awesome.
10. I'm glad I'm a psychology major. Even though, I know some people really don't like psychology at all.

Thats about it. This might be a rough couple of weeks but, I'll be trying.