Tomorrow.

Well, it's almost been a year.

I'm not entirely sure that I'm sorry for that, I don't really know who reads this/would read this and I'm not sure my writing style is all that interesting enough for someone to miss it...

But, if it was missed, I am sorry.

Anyway, we could possibly do a whole recap post of the last year, because, boy, has a lot happened BUT!
That's not today's post.

Today's post is just something I felt like writing to motivate myself. And maybe it won't work but it's worth a shot. And that's kind of the point of what I'm going to write anyway. Because I'm going to write about trying.

This last year has been terribly hard. So many things have happened and so many relationships have been broken or needed mending or couldn't be mended and hurt and maybe will hurt for a while. And I just keep thinking:

Things have to get better, right?
This will get easier. It will get better and I will be happier.

And the more time that passes and things aren't, I feel like a failure. I feel like the fact that I can't make it better for myself means that I'm stuck in a perpetual state of sucking. And it's hard for me to write about this because to some extent I still think it's true, I still think that maybe if I just didn't suck so many things just wouldn't suck for me and maybe this is just who I am and I should stop hoping or expecting for these feel better feelings or situations to come through because they just won't.

But, maybe it isn't about that.

Maybe, the problem with how I'm feeling or what is happening is not because this is how my life is supposed to be, but because I'm focused on the wrong type of success that I want.
Maybe, the point is not that things are ok. But that I find the success in trying.

Because throughout all of this, I have been trying. I've failed and wanted to give up and wanted to stop but I am relentlessly bent on not being resigned to things perpetually sucking. Which surprises me, even, because I don't give myself that much credit. And it constantly leaves me vulnerable to getting my hopes up and being disappointed.

But, at least I'm trying.

And I'm not one of those people who believes every person deserves an "effort" trophy, but when it comes to life, if that's what you have to hold on to, isn't that something to proud of? That you're still grasping on to it, and breathing in?

The fact is, that I'm still trying to make each day, even each hour, a new start. I'm trying to make it the beginning of an ascent I've been waiting for since the end of October of last year. And maybe each day, each hour, may be a failure of that goal but at least I am going to keep trying.

Hopefully, that's good for something. Anyway, here is to a chance of something new, and something better. Here's to the next hour, and to tomorrow. Basically, here's to the fact that my life will absolutely change, and the comfort and fear that comes along with that.